This Is How It Is
by WhateverIWrite1995
Summary: She was just another capitol clown, and he was a drunk. Haymitch/Effie *rated M for later
1. Chapter 1

An Introduction.

Another Hunger games, came with a new escort now. Haymitch didn't know what happened to the old one, but frankly he didn't give a rats ass. All he cared about was the drink in his hand.

And she walked through the door, just like all the other clowns. She was just another capitol clown. Haymitch sneered into his drink before he took the last swig, stood up, and waited for her speech that she was most definitely going to give. He saw it in her face, she just had to talk, they all do. They all talk too much. About nothing, 'ignorance is bliss.' That should be the capitol slogan.

"Hello, glad to meet you, my name is Effie Trinket. I will be the new escort for district 12," she said with a flourish. As if this was the best thing in the world. Haymitch rolled his eyes, and took a closer look at her strange outfit. They all wore such ridiculous clothes. And makeup. And huge wigs that simply could not be comfortable. She had on high heels that were probably making her feet bleed and bend in strange ways. Her face, her arms, her legs, every inch of her was white powder. There wasn't real skin to be seen. Her dress had ridiculous bows all over it, Haymitch didn't even really know what he was looking at.

"How'd you get stuck with that unlucky position, Sweetheart?"

Effie looked him over, he saw it in her eyes, the flicker of disgust. But why blame her? He was just a grouchy drunk. Battle scarred, haggard, and worn. No capital clown would be able to understand.

She huffed a bit and continued, "I took over for Trilly because he just needed to have more vacation time," 'of course the spoiled little capital pigs get to worry about vacation time' "it is a pleasure to meet you, Haymitch Abernathy." She outstretched her hand for him to shake, even though he was fairly far away, as if she expected him to take the time to walk over to her and make an introduction too.

He waved his hand, moved to the liquor table and stared at an empty glass for a few moments, shrugged, and took the bottle instead.

"Sorry, Princess, I got business to attend to," he held up the bottle, "try not to bother me."

And with that he turned away and went into his room, locking the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

There were nightmares. Always nightmares. It had been a hell of a long time since he'd had a good dream. It was the games, of course it was always the games. And his mother and brother. And her. Rose.

He got up slowly, sitting on the edge of his bed, with his head in his hands. Not crying. It had been a long time since he'd cried, though. A real fucking long time. It was probably impossible now. What was it now? 10 years? 15 years? Whatever it was he really didn't care. He just knew that here was another games starting in just a few hours. The kids would be getting ready to line up soon. They were all putting on their best, hoping to god they wouldn't be getting the death sentence. The 74th annual Hunger Games. Had it really been 24 years?

He got out of bed after a while, and went through his usual morning routine: drinking. He took a shower too, otherwise that damned Effie would be all over him, with her nagging and constant bitching. It drove him nuts. He scrubbed at his body until it was raw. It was a nervous habit, although he would never admit it. He had to try to get some of it off. Whatever 'it' was, who knew. He shut off the water and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waste. Moving to the mirror, he stared at himself. He stared at himself and laughed. Scars and scars and scars. And there's the big one from the axe, still there. They defined him. And if, god willing (or god forbid), either of district 12ths tributes survived this year, they would have them too. And they would forever be defined by them. Winning the games definitely wasn't winning.

Haymitch laughed bitterly and shook his head. He wondered what princess capitol was up to, how she prepared for this. Happily, probably. Ignorant. He bet his life that all of those clowns were getting ready for the day with excitement. It was disgusting.

He took another drink. And then he downed the bottle.

**roughly 1 year previous.**

_ Effie came in and sat down on the couch, the farthest she could from Haymitch. The cannon sounded from the TV system. Haymitch looked up, bloodshot eyes,"Oh you're still here, are you, Princess?"_

_ "Well I was just wondering how you were..." silence. "I simply cannot believe sponsors didn't send anything to help. It's a real shame, he had gotten so far." she looked up. "Top 5! that hasn't happened since..." She trailed off and looked away again. _

_ "Since when?" Haymitch knew the answer, but then he was angry, he yelled at her, "SINCE WHEN?!"she jumped a little, but not much, she expected it. She shouldn't have come at all, she should have just let him sulk alone. He had grown a bit closer to this tribute than he usually did. He had dropped his guard. Only a little, but still enough... _

_ He got up and angrily paced the room, mumbling incoherently; taking a drink every other step. The liquor was getting everywhere, running down his chin, getting on his shirt. Effie stayed where she was, quietly on the couch, staring at her hands. She wasn't surprised by his reaction. Their 8th year together with district 12 and she had started to know him better. And his short temper. Usually she could snap right back, but she didn't. _

_ She let him throw his empty bottle at the wall, shattering it. She let him storm to his room, stumbling a bit. She let him slam the door. The lock clicked. He always locked it._

_ She picked up the pieces of the bottle, crying silently. She would always cry alone. She was capitol, she shouldn't cry as much as she did. One of the pieces cut her hand, right on the palm, but she didn't really notice, nor care. She left the room silently when she was done cleaning up the mess, and she went to her own room. Maybe next year, maybe next year one of them will survive. But she hoped for that every year._


	3. Chapter 3

Effie looked closely at herself. Her _actual _self.

But then came the usual routine of 'becoming capitol'. The heavy wig, the thick makeup, the gaudy outfits. All of it was to put up a front. That she was, and always will be, _capitol._ She lived and she breathed it and she was to be 'chipper' and 'poise'. She was going to stand in front of that crowd and act like it was all just a game. Because it was only just a game.

She began to disappear. The light dusting of freckles were leaving her face as she applied the white powdered makeup. Her pale lips, she painted fuchsia, to match her ensemble. And her blond curls were hidden under her wig,

"Maybe this year."


	4. Chapter 4

Katniss Everdeen.

Haymitch caught himself staring, he _was _a bit drunk. But he sensed something in this girl, something strong. She fucking volunteered for this, she's either really brave or really stupid...but he would have done the same, had it been his brother way back when... He stopped thinking about them. But she was also bitter, he saw something of himself in her. And in the boy, he could tell he was smarter than he seemed.

'_Maybe this year they could actually have a chance.'_

Effie was rambling on as she usually did about all the shit these kids would go through. To her it was all so _exciting. _And Haymitch was getting a headache. He had told Effie he'd try to hold off the alcohol.

"Do it for the kids Haymitch, please," she had pleaded, he could tell she was sincere. So he said he would ("Fine, princess.") before he turned and walked away from her. He left in time to miss her eyes squeeze shut as she fought back the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes. She liked sweetheart better. It was only a little less sarcastic.

But his promise didn't stop him from sneaking just enough to feel a buzz. A numbing buzz. It settled in his ears, but he could still feel the echo of a headache...

_There was something about Effie each year... something a little more different. Every year she seemed more..._

_ Sad. _

_ And this year even Haymitch noticed it through the alcohol._

She seemed just a little _too_ chipper. She was forcing it.

"Are you even paying attention, Haymitch? I mean _honestly_ the least you could do is humor me and pretend to listen," Effie snapped, her hands on her hips. Her bright red lips were like fire. Otherwise, her outfit was a little less dramatic than it was at the reaping. Haymitch caught himself wondering what she looked like underneath all of that crap. He could see she had curves, for certain. But what interested him even more was the color of her skin... Did she have freckles?

"Haymitch!"

Katniss and Peeta were staring at him, and he suddenly felt trapped and tense under their gaze. He forced himself to loosen up, and propped his feet up on the table,

"Sure sure _Miss Trinket,_ I was just thinking of techniques to stop these two kids from getting murdered in the arena. But carry on, I'm sure your nonsensical chatter is bound to save their lives when someones chasing them down with a knife."

She faltered, but instantly gained her composure again. She was good at that. Snapping right back into her act.

"Very well, but would you please remove your feet from the table? That is mahogany."

"Sure thing, sweetheart."

**Some years before present**

_"Oh Effie you are so lucky to have become an escort!"_

_ "That's one of the best jobs in the capitol! Meeting all the elite, and you're so young too." Some of Effie's friends doted on her. _

_ "Oh but you have to deal with that drunk from 12, the handsome one from the last Quarter Quell. Oh what a shame he had to lose all of his charm... You'll move up the ranks, don't worry dear, I'm sure we'll all be seeing you with district 1 or 2 in no time!" And the woman laughed and took Effie by the arm. They were going to one of the hottest new clubs that night to celebrate. _

_ Effie was on top of the world, a new job came with her even higher status. She was the talk of the town, the new escort for district 12 (Oh even if it was only 12). And not only that, but she was young and pretty and fashionable. Everything the capitol loved in a woman. _

_ And she was also naive._

_ Blind, ignorant._

**Present**

And 10 years has a lot of time to change someones mind, to change their very being altogether.

It had time to open Effie's eyes to what was really going on, to what she once though was the best kind of entertainment.

It wasn't fun and entertaining. It was stressful and sad.

She sat on her bed taking off her many bracelet's from the day and thought about those two kids. Peeta and Katniss. Would they be dead in the first minute? Or would they last longer. Effie tried to fight back the hope that was creeping into her mind. At least she still had hope.

And Katniss, Effie couldn't believe it, she had volunteered. Volunteered to save her sister. Didn't the capitol see how sick all of this was?

No, of course not.

The train moved swiftly through the districts, tomorrow would be another 'Big big day!'

And Effie would be Effie again, all wigs and makeup and happiness.

But for now she took off her wig and hopped into the shower, this was her favorite part of the day now. She scrubbed at her arms, her legs, her face, until she was raw and pink and new. She stepped out and wrapped a towel around her body, moving to the mirror to spend her usual amount of time staring at the reflection. Not in vain, but because she hadn't seen this person all day.

There were bags under her eyes and she pointed out a few wrinkles around her eyes. She was only 29 and she already saw herself aging, maybe a little too quickly because of her job.

Unlike most, she was happy about it. Ecstatic, actually.

She was a real person underneath it all.


	5. Chapter 5

"And this is where you'll be staying," Effie gestured to the huge penthouse, "I'm sure you'll find it all to your liking." Petty, more like.

Haymitch grunted and left the large room, most likely looking for a bottle of alcohol, of any kind. It didn't matter what it was, because he was in the fucking capitol again with the clowns.

Peeta and Katniss stood there for a few moments, taking everything in. Effie could see Katniss was extremely uncomfortable and so decided to break the silence with her usual cheery tone,

"Well! Katniss your room is down the hall on the right, and Peeta yours is just across on the left. Dinner is at 6! And we will start discussing what will be happening this next week. You can get all cleaned up and there are plenty of clothes for each of you to choose from already set up in your closet." She thought they would like some time alone for now.

"Are they like yours?" Katniss blurted out suddenly, not trying very hard to hide the tone of distaste.

Effie faltered but jumped right back in to her usual self in an instant. Her character laughed and assured Katniss that the clothes were more neutral tones like she's used to. And Peeta, too.

"Good." Katniss walked off to her room, Peeta did the same after giving Effie a slight look of apology.

And then they had left, Effie sighed and let her shoulders relax. She wondered where Haymitch had wandered off to for a brief moment, but had a good guess. Alcohol came first for him, so wherever that was, he was. After years with him, Effie understood much better why he was the way he was. For her it was the piles of busy work, and scheduling, and speech writing, and connections to establish, and everything, that came along with being an escort. It was successful enough to keep her mind off of all the other things; the real things. It hardly gave her time to think. And she liked that. She walked off to her room, ready to take off her heels and do some planning before dinner. She needed to call the stylist as well, Cinna. He was new this year, and after years of her tributes having dirt on their faces she hoped that he could do them up a bit better.

The room was dressed differently from the last year, with the latest trends. She didn't mind it as much this year, it was grey. She liked grey, and she wasn't entirely sure why.

**A day before the 50****th**** reaping. District 12.**

_He watched her get dressed, slowly as if she didn't really want to. They could forget about the world and stay there a bit longer. Please._

_ "Are you nervous?" she asked him. Of course he was nervous._

_ "No, not really," he said, he wanted to kiss her again, and forever. Yes he was nervous. _

_ "I am," she turned toward him, "Mitch, I'm nervous for you...you're name is in there so many times." She began to tear up again and he hated it. _

_ "Rose, listen," he pulled her towards him and looked into her eyes, "Some people have their names in there more times than even I do, my odds are still good, don't worry." He kissed her forehead, then her cheek and then her lips and then he was undressing her again. She let him, and never found the will to leave. _

_**The next day. Reaping. District 12.**_

___"Haymitch Abernathy!"_

_ They said goodbye and she couldn't cry, there were no tears left and she apologized for it. He kissed her and said that he'd come back for her, that he would survive._

_ He said goodbye to his younger brother, and told him to look after Rose and look after their mother. And his mother who was the only one crying, but enough for all of them._

**Present**

Haymitch was drunk before dinner, he had learned to maintain himself pretty well irregardless. Effie gave him a look across the table during her speech; one of many, oh by now he was used to it. It was just constant talk talk talk, he hardly knew how anyone would feel the need to use so many words. The kids would be put through hell and then probably die, only one if they were lucky. Nothing else.

Katniss had refused to eat at first until Haymitch mentioned, more of a mumble than anything, that if she didn't eat she would die within the first minute. To which Effie had replied with that familiar tone 'Haymitch!' that, as far as he knew, she reserved only for him. They had gotten to the point when she would only ever say his name when she was upset. Really, he wasn't about to listen to her anyway. But it had gotten the girl eating and that's what mattered.

Peeta, he noticed, was much more cooperative. And he ate and was polite to the mentor and the escort.

"So how do you want us to go about interacting with the other tributes during training?" Peeta asked Haymitch suddenly. Haymitch looked up from his drink and looked at the boy,

"You two stick together, don't let the others see your potential just yet, save that for the gamemakers when it's just you in there. Try to keep to yourselves."

Katniss looked up at this point too, listening. Effie smiled into her wine and Haymitch ignored it.

And suddenly he was going on and told them strategies he had used in the games, things that they should be aware of, how to find water. They asked questions and they were talking for the rest of dinner until Effie announced that the tributes should get some rest. Tomorrow was a "Big day!".

And in the midst of it all Haymitch had forgotten what was really happening, he remembered just as they got up and left. _Tributes_.

He resolved that he had to try, just like every year. It was the same old routine; the fact that it had become a routine to him now made him sick. He got up.

He looked across the table at Effie as she cleared the plates away. The fact that she was cleaning up after them struck him as odd. He didn't think about it much though, before grumbling a goodnight and turning to go.

"Haymitch," this was a different tone. He turned to her and she looked different. "Thank you."

"Yeah, Sweetheart."


End file.
